"Felt harrassed, in my own flat/home"

I have schizoeffective disorder, I have lived in Grangemouth just over a year. I thought was not so bad an area especially after moving from a small place called Dunblane where everyone knows each others busness and is full of story telling gossips. 

Well August 2022 I moved things were as good as the get for me to be honest life's a struggle most days, but I cope. 

One day I got a phone call from a mental health nurse who on their self made an appointment in MY home, I hate people I don't know in my home, simple but I was nice and let them in cause I'm a nice guy.

One day they phoned me I had a chest infection and voice was funny so they along with others and staff from livilands Stirling had a crisis meeting about me, which I was not asked to attend considering it was about me.

This person changed jobs as every nurse and doctor I get does which means I have to explain over and over again my symptoms which makes this worse, can't they read my health records before hand as it's very overwhelming for me to think about all my horrible experiences during my health condition.

Another nurse who is nice enough started coming to MY home, I don't know these nurses, would you let me in you home if you didn't no me, No I doubt it. I have tried every antipsychotic they offered but the voices I hear in my head I can communicate with, and my mood swings make leaving the flat very difficult for me,

I have good days but most are bad regardless of what medication I get prescribed. I don't sleep much an hour max each night some times 10 mins sleep that's it. They don't prescribe me pills to endure sleep as from many years ago when I was young I have self confessed illegal narcotic use on my health records, which is ridiculous as I'm 43 now so those days were more than 20year ago, people to grow up.

One day the first nurse said they had drugs tests in their bag and was thinking about testing me then one of the voices in my head said it was them controlling their mind not to, sounds bizarre but true.

I don't use drugs or drink alcohol and try stay as healthy as I can. I do get suicidal thoughts when alone lying in a dark room when I can't sleep but I couldn't do it to my mum she is in her 80ies, but I couldn't care less how it would effect others, everyone just looks after number 1 aka them selfs. I try to look after my mum to cause my brother lives away and phones her once a month if she's lucky, where I call daily for a chat.

Any way sorry to waffle on,  my nurse who started coming to my flat, I believe they are in charge of the jnr nurses appears unannounced at 9.30 an invited or advance notice. Now to tidy and keep my flat is a uphill stressful struggle. I don't want any nurses in my flat. At an ECG the women was asking about the state I'd my flat, my hygiene etc which is not related to my mental health, it's MY flat I can live and wash shave etc as I please.

I have now stopped my medication cause I can simple as that you can't be forced it makes y feel horrible anyway.  this nurse text saying if I did not get in touch they would have to get a police well fair check done, I wish they would go away leave me alone it's harrassment mental harrassment it feels like and reminds me each time about my condition making the symptoms worse. It's terrible I used to get by ok but this year with Falkirk mental health has been worst year of my life cause if the system In place invading people's homes especially.

How do I stop this happening, I need help and advice but not a house invader nurse. Please help me cause I'm on a down word spiral if it was not for my mother being alive, I would have ended my life to cause she is only person who loves and respects me. All I want is peace, quite, no random door knocking by text book trained nurses, cause that's what they are none have experienced my living hell. I just want to have any appointments at woodlands I don't know or trust anyone tbh it sounds bad but not even the NHS for past family reasons. I stuck in a flat in Grangemouth being harrassed by mental health nurses. I don't even answer my phone cause I hear voices in my head at same time which confuses me alot and unbearable. My moods not good but I'll cope but not for ever. I want no communication with nurses in my flat, after all it's my home I don't need to let them in they are not the police though I think they think they are. What a waste of money paying these travelling nurses wages, they make mental health patients condition worse tbh. Anyway sorry to take up your valuable time and hope you can help. Have a nice Christmas and New year and thanks for listening to my problems