"My mental health"

I was in a very dark place when I started with my cpn and didn’t know what to expect. To be honest I was so low I had zero expectations of anything good happening in life or with treatment. I had very little in life outside my family. 

I was able to be open minded even if no belief in it helping but very early I seen that Kerry, my cpn, really cared and I could see she was giving it her all. I thought to myself it’s not fair if I don’t properly try even if previous experience with others told me this will be no different but I think when you click with a cpn and feel they’ve got your back that’s half the battle. 

So we started with Cbt and everything was very personalised with Kerry as opposed to generalised. Then the skills were applied and practised based on scenarios I was facing this continued through out. 

It’s worth saying I had my mum, dad and sister as support but had nothing else. My mum  encouraged me to join a group and I put if off for couple of months but said to Kerry about it and she helped me get to a place where I felt I could walk in which was incredibly nerve racking but I went and that allowed me to practice what Kerry and I worked on. 

If you fast forward 11/13 months many ups and downs I’m in a place now where I have a group of friends and I’m coping ok with life. It’s worth noting that through out this time my mums been ill and that was a horrendous time and when we thought she was through other side she was then re diagnosed with cancer and it’s treatable but not cureable. I can safely say without Kerry I wouldn’t be here to type this today she was way more than a cpn she was a friend not just to me but to my mum to. So much so I’m really going to miss her now our time has come to an end. 

It wasn’t just support when we had appointments, I could pick the phone up at any point and ring the office where I’d either get Kerry then and there or she would call me that same day. Me as a person thanks to Kerry I’m finding my feet and have learned to live with the fact I do use a wheelchair and that I have limitations but Kerry helped flip this in my mind to what I can do and what I have to offer as opposed to what I can’t do/offer. 

I’d like to say that I’m not perfect far from it do I still struggle or do I still feel anxious as hell at times ? absolutely but now I can manage situations with my skills as opposed to falling to pieces.  I’m looking forward to doing what I can do and trying to be positive about my situation in life even if it’s not what I once dreamed but after 10 operations on my spine and feeling like I had no life and wasn’t sure I wanted to be alive I think we can say Kerry did an amazing job to get me here. As I was a beaten man destroyed by disappointment after disappointment in failed surgery and then people failing me or ridiculing my situation this still sometimes happens but I’m in a place where I'll not allow it or ignore it   because I know I deserve better which in it self is incredible. If you knew how low I was at the start there’s no more I can really say other than I was so lucky get Kerry