"Drug addiction & struggles with mental health"

About: Inclusion Recovery Hampshire / No Wrong Door

(as a service user),

In October 2023, I took codeine for the first time for something rather than physical pain, it made things a lot easier to handle at first with the stresses, traumas & other external events of my environment. But  that fastly developed into dependency then addiction because those aforementioned triggers were becoming more occurrent more frequently and I was going to codeine more and more. Things involving physical and mental health of me and my family, family conflict, unaccommodation of neurodevelopmental issues and a need to move out and get social care of my own all toppled on me in a matter of  9-10 months. Just wave upon wave of very bad things and I suspect more is to come.

I was initially prescribed codeine for pain. I am now down on what I take as per a reduction plan I’m on under my GP & No Wrong Door. I have been reducing by one tablet per day per month. I was taking more than I should because it was the only thing that silenced my inner demons, its the only thing that effectively allows me to sleep. I’ve had many, many sleepless nights in the past year. I’ve also mixed codeine with other medication. There has been 3 occasions where I’ve tried taking my own life with an OD of codeine but unfortunately to no avail. I still very much have that desire to no longer be here because I believe things will only get worse and the drugs will escalate too because that’s been the only constant of these past months. It seems like “good days” are non-existent now and the bad days are my norm. This whole year has been somewhat of a blur and in all honesty, I’m glad. I fully believe if I were to have continued tee-total, I would’ve offed myself much sooner.

Amber of No Wrong Door has done a lot for me and I really can’t thank her enough, she’s helped make some of those bad days more bearable and it's made sticking to a reduction plan easier, and I’d say 80% of the time I am sticking to the expected amount. I’ve gotten to the route of some of my triggers, I feel like there could be possibly more but I can’t decipher those myself for someone else to also breakdown. I’ve not been the best recoverer either because I’ve always questioned things or made excuses but I’ve been a lot more open to things than I was before i.e. trying out an autism serendipity group, joining an online autism community forum and trying to better understand my emotions.

I think I’ve definitely improved under No Wrong Door and the times like now where I feel I’m regressing or worse, that’s been wholeheartedly on me because I have always seeked the easy way out every time, just unfortunately, this time it involved substances. Amber has also done an outrageous amount even after our weekly sessions such as finding out about the autism serendipity group, the online forum and contacting the appropriate teams for my social & mental health problems. I genuinely do feel lucky in that there is someone who cares for me.

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Responses

Response from Chris Cunnane, Service Lead, No wrong door, Recovery Hampshire, Inclusion 7 months ago
Chris Cunnane
Service Lead, No wrong door, Recovery Hampshire,
Inclusion
Submitted on 23/07/2024 at 11:40
Published on Care Opinion at 11:40


Hi. Thank you for your detailed response. I can only sympathise with your struggles with your mental health, and entirely understand your turning to something which gave you some relief. I am concerned that you feel you still "no longer want to be here" - is there anything that Amber or the wider team could do to help support you with this? Please let us know

Many congratulations on coming this far, and I'm sure you will be able to continue to improve with the right support. I will pass on your message to Amber and the team, and I wish you well in the future.

Chris

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Update posted by ChelseaFC10 (a service user)

I think Amber has genuinely gone above and beyond for me. Its the first time ever I’ve felt like someone cares for me and wants the best for me. So I don’t think there’s any more that herself or the No Wrong Door team can do.

As for the not wanting to be here, that’s been something that’s evolved since I was a teenager, I’m now in my twenties.

Things have certainly gotten worse in the last few months and that’s due to circumstances out of my own & others’ control and the fact I’ve had to come face to face with drug addiction, which has been something that’s hard to come to terms to because becoming an addict was something I swore I’d never be from a young age due to living with them and more coming into my life since.

Other members of my family also have addiction issues with the exception of my mum, although she did quit smoking.

I basically didn’t want to end up like them, not that every addict is bad or anything but I didn’t want to become those specific individuals because it has affected me and while the people around me every day are absolutely unaware of my addiction, it does make me feel awful that if it were ever to come to light for whatever reason, that those same bad experiences I’ve endured, would be then past onto them.

I’ve always had an addictive personality whether it be learning everything about the things I enjoy, videogames or a binge eating disorder.

So that’s why not being here is always on my mind especially now because I wouldn’t wish this on anyone and I don’t want my problems compounding theirs.

My Mum & I are the only 2 to actually face our vices and in total fairness to her, she’s someone I’d love to replicate in terms of getting clean.

If I wasn’t here, it would likely come out about the addiction I face but I wouldn’t be present to see everyone and everything falling around me because I suspect that might make them feel just as I do with having to face their respective addiction.

We’re not close as a family (and I’m not just saying that) so I doubt my potential suicide would ruin too much as opposed to what I aforementioned.

Response from Chris Cunnane, Service Lead, No wrong door, Recovery Hampshire, Inclusion 7 months ago
Chris Cunnane
Service Lead, No wrong door, Recovery Hampshire,
Inclusion
Submitted on 23/07/2024 at 17:05
Published on Care Opinion at 17:05


Hi again. I'm sorry to hear that you feel the way that you do - it must be quite awful for you. Amber (and the rest of the Team) are here to help in any way that you might need. Coming face to face with your addiction is a difficult place to be (and I know this from personal experience).

What I can say is that being honest with yourself and seeking help is the best thing you can do - facing such a difficulty alone is incredibly challenging, so we really are here to help.

Once again, well done on the amazing progress you have made so far, and very best wishes that you can build on this for the future.

Chris

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