"My mental health diagnosis and my ongoing journey after 55 years"

I was over medicated by my GP for over 9 years resulting in my sleeping solidly through night and day till about 4.00-6.00pm …in the end, because they would not countenance a reduction of the medication as they did not know what would happen, having put the long sleep down to my condition, not the medication, - I decided, having read the leaflet with the pills, to halve the dose ,and lo and behold I started to wake at a more reasonable time of day …

However I was still not out of the woods yet …

Then this last January , out of the blue I experienced a lifting of a heavy sense of Oppression, Repression, Depression and Suppression that had overwhelmed me ever since my original breakdown over 50 years ago, which had prevented me from happily communicating as an adult among adults, always feeling ignored, talked down to, and generally treated as though I was a child with nothing of importance or relevance to offer or say… to the doctors, psychiatrists, my husband, or anyone who had jurisdiction over me…. my opinion was not sought or even acted upon when 26 years ago I had written about “My journey back from the voices” ...my original diagnosis was Paranoid Schizophrenia … and yes, I was severely paranoid and was hearing voices attacking me telling me I wasn’t wanted, I should return to where I was born - which was abroad…

At a later stage my diagnosis was Schizoaffective disorder - probably given 30 or 40 years ago - and , in spite of my liberating experience in January I am still saddled with it ,and consequently am unable to access the type of support I currently need …I have not seen, until this year when I had to insist on a referral, any Psychiatrist or relevant CPN in 14 years in spite of being on medication …I hope and trust that full healing of the emotional damage that caused the original breakdown will be achievable, but in the meantime I continue on the lower dose which I reverted to about 3-4 years ago off my own bat …

I am appalled at the ignorance admitted to by my GP concerning Psychiatric conditions and am convinced that his is not alone or unusual amongst GPs in this gap in understanding and consequent bad practice with regard to such patients. My own father was a GP and in those days was equally ignorant -but I had hoped that in 55 years understanding and abilities would have improved over all -but not in my experience...I feel Mental Health is the Cinderella of the NHS and has been neglected and under resourced for far too long …

I have felt exceedingly frustrated, and that has spilled out into nonproductive anger, which doesn’t help anyone but I now wish to channel my energies into achieving changes for good for other service users especially in the realm of adequate training for all medical personnel starting out in their careers of bringing help and healing within their communities and also an updating and upgrading of in service training for those already in the field ..