"Fear of death"

I had a acute fear of death 4 weeks ago then after going to a+e they said i had to stay in the hospital if i didnt the police would be called they then sent me to the mhau at stobhill were already with a prepared script it felt like as when I arrived there I told them about my fears about dying and I said life is short and the  reply I got back  was in the grand scheme of things it is- then clicked their fingers.

It made it seem like my life didnt matter one jot as they only seen my situation not me as a person then repeatedly said I wasn't getting admitted at all as I'm just a ordinary pleb in their eyes no ordinary people is allowed in there as if I've not got great wealth to share they've no interest in u but when  I came back the next night I was feeling suicidal the 2 "nurses" gave me tea and a pack of custard creams which felt like an attempt at gaslighting me.

It gets better for me any way not them went back mid february this year wanting to kill myself they were adamant I wasn't getting in the unit I was adamant if I did go home I wouldnt be here on this earth at all so they huffed and puffed and admitted me which I thought thank god as I thought if I did end my life I would bring greater pain to my brother and sister and niece and wider family and friends.

Shame on them I thought it was as if they wanted to wash their hands of me as if I did end my life as "in the grand scheme of things" im gone in a puff.